“When I saw you I fell in love, and you smiled because you knew.” ― Arrigo Boito.
Growing up as a teenager was tough when it came to the “love” department. I found myself in a few experimental situations. At the time I thought that was the thing to do.
I then found myself desperate for a relationship. Any relationship. Looking back. It was the relationship I loved and nothing to do with the person. I guess it felt good to be in a relationship and have everybody else admire “us” but deep inside I wasn’t happy. Nothing ever worked out.
After a long period of dating and lots of ups and downs. I went to church. I started a heartwarming journey. Learning to love myself. Learning to accept who I am. And what I like. Learning to be happy and single. To sort my life out. And if I could do that. Maybe someone else could love me too.
When you stop desperately searching constantly for someone. You may never see it. It becomes so frustrating. You end up looking everywhere and anywhere. Try and learn to go places that give you peace and positivity. To enjoy your life. To fulfil your life. To enjoy work. Hobbies. Friends. Family. Be content and thankful for what you have right now. Feel the happiness right now. Stop searching for what you don’t have yet. Believe me. It will happen. You’ll find that special person to share your life with. You might not recognise them because maybe that’s what you was expecting. Or maybe this person will be the lost puzzle piece that fits your heart completely. One glance can change everything. One smile can lead to anything…
Sex. Sexual relationships. One night stands. Love and commitment. There are so many ways to be close with another. I guess there are no right or wrong in this. Who are we to judge? It’s whatever makes US happy. That is what’s important.
Saturday just gone I went to see Rod Stewart for the second time this year at the O2 arena. I went from second row to being up in the Gods. Normally I would of felt a little degraded (ha ha) but I wasn’t. I saw things from a completely different perspective. I could see crowds of people fighting over the footballs Rod was famously kicking out. Rod singing sailing. Pretty lights twinkling all around the arena. Then he sang one of my favourites. “The first cut is the deepest” I closed my eyes and it was a beautiful moment. I looked around and thought to myself how precious and beautiful it is to love one person in this big old world. To enjoy looking into one pair of eyes more than anything in this world. This is what warms my heart. The fact that one pretty face stands out in a crowd of billions of other pretty faces. That one subtle voice can make one so nervous in a room full of screaming people.
There is no right or wrong when it comes to sharing happiness with another person. If it warms both of your hearts. It is what it is. Love is love. And no gender. Age. Distance. Differences can get in the way.
Since a little girl. The word home has meant the world to me. Whether we love our family homes or dream of a family home. Home is where the heart is. And no matter where we are. If we put love and passion into a house. We can make a home anywhere. “The present is the only thing that has no end.” Erwin Schrodinger. Of course we can get inspiration from a vogue interior magazine. But to make a home your home. You need to put your own stamp on it. After all you are the one who has to live with it and in it. For some including myself I don’t believe it’s all about glamour and a big house. In my opinion. It has to have comfort. And an intimate warm welcome. My style which I only found recently is beachy and coastal!!! Gorgeous blues greys and whites. Lovely lanterns and lighthouses. Antiques. Books. If you haven’t found your own style yet. Have patience. After all you are the one who has to live with it and in it.
Dejah Harrison xxxx
There’s something quite funny about the shower. How it sparks up ideas. Yesterday I was thinking how good it feels to be able to dress how I want to dress. And see something in the shop that I generally like and put it together with what ever I want. That’s fearless. In a world with a thousand judgmental eyes. And two thousand criticising opinions. If I’m being totally honest. It was never this easy for me. Actually it is so easy to lose yourself. Or never even having the chance to know what you like or what you don’t like. Because of peer pressure. Or bullying. These sort of things affect us deeply. And follow us throughout our future. I went through a life of not really having a life. Phase after phase. Follow fashion worshiper. What ever society was wearing or doing. I was sure to be wearing and doing exactly the same. That was comfort for me. But at the same time. Emotionally damaging. 2 years ago I moved away from the society I had always known. And into a new one. It was the best thing I’ve ever done…for me. Though things didn’t change immediately. It was a new step in the right direction. I went to the doctors and addressed how I feel. And was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I felt good knowing the doctors are there to help. And not to judge. I also started therapy. And it was like looking at a blank canvas that was myself. Having family support that gives me the time to heal. Get to know who I am and what I am about. Discovering what I like and don’t like. Finding my talent. Everyone has a talent. Even if you can’t see it. It’s there somewhere. You just have to look. And that is what makes us Individual.
Dejah Harrison xxxx